A different point of view

From A

Different

Point of View

By William Tait

It’s funny, I was always the bully, it was always me that kicked the kid sitting next to me in the play school, pulled the girls hair in the park or pushed the smaller kids in to the mud in the garden. Strange I always got a buzz from it and it made me feel good. you may ask what about the trouble it caused me.

well it made me feel great when I was told off I was the king no one was bigger no one was better and I lapped it up. As I got older the school opened up new avenues of delight. There were hundreds of little delights where I could make people squirm I could poke, prod and kick and hit and no one said anything.

Then at the age of eleven I discovered gangs this was a revelation once I had beaten gouged and smacked my way to the top I could get others to do my bidding and sit back and watch. The only work I needed to do was beat up some poor sod that thought he was bigger than me. Every once in a while and that's where the real trouble started. His name was Victor Nealson and he was the leader of one of the small rival gangs that ruled our school. He decided it was time to expand his territory and challenged me to a one on one winner takes all fight. No problem lets do it. We set the date and time, it was as if we were two professional boxers, I even think there were bets on the outcome. The day arrived, there were dozens of kids there all ten eleven and twelve year olds all keen to see the fight and there was a crude ring set up with jumpers and me and Victor stepped in. I wasn’t prepared for what happened Victor ran at me and jumped on top of me pushing me to the ground and sat on my chest slapping my face. Shock is how I would describe it I just lay there listening to the screams and jibes from the other kids and as he smiled and slapped I started to grow cold, it’s the only way I can describe it. Something inside was changing and then exploded as he slapped me I turned my head and bit his left hand, not just a nip a bite full pressure, and the scream penetrated the air and the crowed went quiet. The slapping stopped and I bit harder. Victor was struggling to get away now but I held on with my teeth I could now feel the warm ooze trickling in to my mouth and it felt good. My mind was quiet now and my hands were free and I started to use them. Still putting the bite on I began to punch him in the side and with each punch I bit harder and Victor fell to his knees but I didn’t stop. Even when he stopped screaming I didn’t stop I felt good and I knew the watchers knew I was the boss now, ME the big man their cheers and jibes had turned to tears and sobs as I hit and hit poor Victor. Then there were arms around me and pulling me, I wanted to keep hitting but the arms were stopping me as I let go with my mouth and my mind started to clear I realised these were adult hands our location had been discovered, the school teachers had found us.

After that there was the ambulance, police parents and, well you can imagine. I have not spoken about my parents so far and this seems to be a good place to bring them in as they were summoned to the police station to discuss the actions of their destructive hooligan of a son. Mum and dad thought I was the apple of their eye as I never showed my destructive tendencies when I was with them so the shock was horrendous. They refused to believe I was the trouble maker and kept insisting it must have been Victor who started it all and I could never have been involved with such a nasty episode. I was expelled for a month and returned to a new era of school rule. I was now the number one and everyone knew it. That’s how the rest of the school days went. Life of dinner money and fear and the girls they hung round you like flies round a cow pat and they would do anything for you and let you do anything to them. But life was boring, after all, what do you do if you can get what you want just by asking for it so I would slap the girls around a bit just because I could and they came back for more I never new why even till this day I still don’t know why one of them didn’t pick up a baseball bat and get their own back. At sixteen I had to deal with a girls father that decided I had been too rough on his little girl and in an alley in the dark he discovered that I was a little bit bigger than he thought I was. He was in hospital for a week and the cast on his fingers lasted for six weeks I can still remember the pleasure I got hearing the satisfying crunch under my boot. Giving other people pain was now a pleasure to me and I extended my pleasure at every opportunity. But I always kept it on the near side of the law I always kept it to a pub fight or the slap around of a girlfriend. The trouble was it was getting harder to stop and nearer and nearer to becoming a police matter especially after the current girlfriend ended up in hospital for the night. I must admit to sweating with that one but no matter what the police man said to her she just would not press charges and even came back to me. I was laughing inside at the stupidity but never showed it.

It was then I made my first decision to look for this pleasure in another way. Did you know that people will let you pay them to slap them about. It was unreal, you give them twenty quid and they stand there and take it. This was ok for a while but there is no pleasure in beating someone up if they are deriving pleasure out of it. Strange but true, so my mind started to look for other opportunities and the idea hit me one night when I saw some one being mugged. The so called mugger jumped on them from out of the shadows thumped him about the head a couple of times and took the wallet. As I stood and watched I could feel the pleasure rise in my mind and knew there and then this was how I needed to get my thrills. Even as I planned to do my first mugging I knew this was going to be a new high in pleasure. With that in mind I picked my alley and day and time and there I stood in the dark waiting, waiting for the next poor sod who was just going home to a nice warm bed. The excitement was unbearable it was almost making me dizzy and sick and there it was. Footsteps, single footsteps walking down the ally, my ally getting closer and closer and then walking past my shadowy corner and I was in heaven I jumped out and struck with a fever I had not felt since I was in school and beating up poor old Victor. My enjoyment was so high I nearly forgot to remove the guys wallet. Without that it would not be a mugging but an attack and the police are way to keen on looking for malicious attacks than they are looking for a mugger. I carried out several of these pleasure raids in several cities around the country so as not to be noticed by one particular police force. It was good while it lasted but like everything else it was becoming stale. It was about this time I put the girlfriend in hospital again. It is so easy to go too far and as the excitement of the muggings was dissipating the beatings of the girl friend were increasing. Still she would not press charges and still she came back, but this time a sister came back with her and threatened to take her away and she would not believe me when I said she could go but she stayed and the sister just got mad. Sister’s name was Margaret and became a nuisance. Calling all the time, following us about, calling the police if I even raised my voice. All in all a pain in the neck and all this attention was stopping me from doing anything in the way of pleasure and it was starting to hurt. There is a pain that comes from a lack of pleasure and it is like a drug. It’s something you can’t explain you tell yourself it is all in your mind but it is still a pain and when it gets to be bad enough you need to fix it or depression sets in. Depression is a strange thing, it follows the pain of not satisfying a need you crave for, it follows all the highs you get but most people only get a level of depression that can be fixed by a cup of coffee. Those of us that crave to the level I crave will know there is no cup of coffee large enough to satisfy the need which was so high I needed to express it in violence. Strangely I never turned to drugs, it seemed to be the natural and expected thing for someone like me to do and with the girlfriends sister’s constant prompting, the police raided our house on a few occasions looking for what everyone new I was in to “drugs” but no, I never did anything stronger than a paracetamol. It was one night after the police had been to our flat and tipped out every drawer and emptied every box and wardrobe on to the floor that I decided I needed to do something about the sister. What can you do about someone who is down your throat all the time and calling police out to you at every opportunity and paying counsellors to talk to your girl friend trying to ether get her to leave you or get her to press charges for things you have done to them in the past. I thought about this long and hard and in the end I decided the only way to be rid of her was to kill her.

It is amazing how your mind approaches something like this, it was a decision, it was a calculated and thought out decision and I had made it. The only thing I needed to think of now was HOW. I didn’t want to go to jail for it but I did want to do it and as I thought about it that old feeling started to come back. I was at peace with the world again the endorphins were back in my mind the drug of nature was flowing through my veins. As the days passed into weeks this was keeping me going. The thought of killing her was supplying the necessary buzz but it was getting harder to maintain that buzz as the thought was diminishing into a dream and a dream doesn’t cut the mustard. I was soon in the depression state again and this time it seemed to be worse than ever before. I knew what I was going to have to do and I made the decision to start planning the physical side of the murder I now knew I was going to commit. Sister was going to have a bad day and I was going to do it, Margaret was going to die, Margaret Heron was her full name and she lived in a block of flats, about half way up in flat number 142. She worked in the day time and as far as I knew didn’t have a boyfriend, and when she was not bugging me she drank in a local pub most Friday and Saturday nights. I was duly considering a mugging, a quick smack in the dark. One of these sad sad muggings that goes wrong, and there it was, the old familiar high I always got when planning such a venture. But then the feeling snapped, I needed this to be personal, I needed her to know it was me and be under no illusion she was going to die by my hand. I nearly passed out at the thought of this pleasure and I think I was starting to drool. I began to watch her from a distance. I encouraged Jenny to visit as often as I could and although she would not let me come I would always insist on picking her up. You know as it was such a dangerous neighbourhood and things happened to lonely women. Keeping this up was easy knowing I would finish her off and gain so much excitement in the process. I still needed to make sure I was not caught as well, and even this was giving me a strange sensation, the art of committing this crime, this murder without being found out was nearly as exciting as the planning of the murder its self. I decided that up close and personal was the style I was going to use and that I would need to make sure I left nothing behind. It was about this time I found the Internet and when you look at forensic sites the information is substantial and frightening especially if you are the criminal. One hair is all they need, one hair or a drip of saliva or a spot of blood.

During my preparation someone backed in to my car and dented it, nothing much you might say in this day and age but the resulting repairs were the start of the end for Margaret. I took the car to a body shop and this guy came out in a plastic boiler suit covered in paint and that was when I knew how I was going to kill Margaret. When the guy went in to get his card I had a quick scout around and found a whole box of the plastic suits and as they were very small and compact it didn’t even show when I put it in my pocket. That was the start of a shopping trip. Everywhere I went I was on the look out for plastic clothing I found a building site where they were showing people around the new buildings and giving them plastic over shoes. So I had a good look round that site and plastic shoes were mine. Another building site provided a pair of goggles with an elastic band behind the head to hold them on and a roll of tape. That and a dust mask and some plastic gloves from a local garage I had an enclosed suit. It was important none of the plastic stuff was bought by me or seen in my possession and I had been extra careful to the point it had taken me six weeks from first seeing the plastic overalls to being ready to KILL.

Jenny (that’s my girlfriends name by the way) had a key for her sisters apartment and I knew I would need to get rid of Jenny for the length of time I needed to do the job and this was now becoming a problem. How do you get someone to go away for a few hours when they don’t want to, then it hit me or should I say it was about to hit Jenny. As far as anyone was concerned it would just be the same old me back to my old tricks the neat bit is timing Jenny never called her sister at night if she went in to hospital so it was a night time beating she was going to get. I needed to play the part and play it well I bought a bottle of my favourite whisky and tipped all but a healthy glassful down the sink and I can tell you this hurt. I then made some tea and let it cool I matched the colour of the tea to the whisky and filled the bottle. All set a couple next door quite often came round for a drink and he only drank beer and she had the sherry. So I invited them round on the spur of the moment sort of thing and we began the drinking session. By the time they left at eleven there was only a glass of the mixture in the bottle and to all intent and purposes I was so drunk I could hardly stand. I found it quite hard to beat Jenny so as to put her in hospital but not enough to do permanent damage. I mean when do you stop, when I was drunk it didn’t matter to me and the beatings she got were from a drunk that could hardly stand. I started it at eleven thirty and by twelve thirty I decided she was right and then threw her out which was my normal old style of action. And it worked our neighbour called the ambulance when everything went quiet again I went out in to the night with Jenny’s keys and a small carrier bag. My mind was racing I was on a high I had never experienced before, my heart rate must have been through the roof I thought I may not even survive this as my heart could burst. I don’t know if you have ever experienced a pulse in your neck that you can see when you look in the mirror, that's where I was. Using every dark shadow and side street I went to the block of flats and climbed the stairs I always went up and down the stairs and said it was for exercise but the real reason was the lift was noisy and I didn’t want anyone to hear it. Eleven flights of stairs later and I was standing outside number 142 this was as far as I had ever been I had never entered the flat I had stood at the door and looked but never crossed the threshold. I put on the plastic suit and the plastic shoes and goggles and mask and the gloves if anyone saw me they would have thought aliens had landed. I put the key in the lock and turned it real slow there was no click no squeaky hinges and the door opened silently and closed the same. It was two thirty in the morning and I was praying Margaret was in a deep sleep as it was needed as part of my plan and there she was all tucked up warm and snug in her bed, sound asleep. It was then I realised I had not thought of how I was going to kill her all the preparation was in not getting caught. I stood there for several minutes just looking at her before I snapped out of it and went to the kitchen, a knife I thought I will cut her throat slowly. On my way to the kitchen I passed the bathroom there was a cord strung up with clothes on it so I took the clothes of and took the cord in to the bedroom. Slowly carefully I slipped a sliding hoop over her wrists and tightened it as much as I thought I could get away with and not wake her up. I tore off a strip of the sticky tape which was broad and sticky in the extreme. There was no going back now the scene was set the murder was on and my pleasure rating was through the roof. The tape hit her mouth square on and stuck as she opened her sleepy eyes I pulled the cord tight and jumped on to her chest Margaret’s eyes were open now in fact I thought her eye balls were going to pop out as I sat on her chest and threaded the cord through the bedstead and tied it there. Her legs were thrashing around and I quickly shifted my weight to stop them and used the tape to secure them together I pulled her down the bed till her hands were tight above her head and taped her legs to the bottom of the bed. It is a strange noise when someone is trying to scream with there mouth taped shut you cant really describe it and I won’t try but she was making it anyway and I was in control. At this point I had not said a word and I don’t think Margaret realised it was me because when I spoke she became so quiet I thought she had died on me. Tears were forming in her eyes as I spoke slowly and clearly and said this is the night you die suddenly she started to squirm again and I watched as she realised what I had said. I simply sat beside her and brought my hand to her face and with a little light pressure I pinched her nose she stopped the struggle and her eyes opened wide again shaking her head she dislodged my fingers and a few quick intakes of breath and I had my fingers in place again. It was like a game to me and behind my mask I was smiling as the old ecstasy came flooding back to my body I was in a dream in fact I didn’t even realise when she had stopped moving, it was over. I checked her pulse and she was dead it had been so quick that it was almost disappointing and that is where the fear took hold I had killed and the police would soon be looking for me. I got up from the bed and took one last look and left the flat making sure the door was locked and I had the keys with me. I went in to the stairs and stripped of the plastic stuff putting it all in to the carrier bag I brought it in and left the building. I screwed up the plastic bag as small as it would go and taped it all together it became a package about seven inches long by four inches wide and half an inch deep and that’s when I got an idea. I ran round the the building site where I got the over shoes from and sneaked past the security guard. On one of the new houses being built they were half way up with the walls and the way they do it is by leaving a gap between the outside wall and the inside wall. This gap which is a few inches wide is filled with a cladding. I pulled out a length of cladding pushed the plastic suit to the bottom and pushed the cladding back in and you would never know it had been moved. I then went home and went to bed but I could not sleep I knew when the body was discovered the police would be round and I would be asked lots of questions.

Well at least that’s what I thought in fact what did happen was Jenny arrived home in a taxi about seven and with tears in her eyes climbed in to bed with me. I knew what was expected of me now as we had been in this position before I needed to make up and we usually became entwined in each others arms and the whole episode ended in sex. I started my normal I am sorry routine and gave a cuddle and from there I regained my euphoria from the night before and I exploded with excitement in a way I have never felt before. The feelings of ecstasy, euphoria and fear were pumping through my veins and I was having heart palpitations. My poor old heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. Then it all crashed as someone knocked at the door and in my mind I started to think, how am I going to react to the news of Margaret’s death. I got out of bed and the knock came again I shouted I’m coming and walked to the door and opened it. I very nearly passed out with fear and intrepidation and then it was gone. The postman stood in front of me and said sign here and handed me a package. It was addressed to Jenny and came from one of her catalogues. The post man asked me if I was all right as I was breathing rather hard and looked very red in the face I said fine signed the docket and closed the door. I went from the door to the shower and as I let the water cascade over me I considered what would have happened if that had been the police it would have been my you are looking flustered is there anything you want to tell us.

Practice is what I needed and there and then I started to do various faces, a sad face, a shocked face, a tearful face and that one is quite hard and I decided I needed to be in control of my facial expressions at all times. Especially when answering the door. I mean what sort of expression do you normally have on your face when you open a door to someone when you don’t know who it is on the other side. Just how do I prepare for it and I decided when you open the door you need to look a little fed up as if it was a chore to open the door and then react to the person who is there. So dull and fed up was the answer and when the policeman arrived a sort of surprised or even shocked expression would be needed. So Jenny and I got dressed and went about our normal day every moment of it I was waiting for that knock and when we were shopping I had to make a very conscious effort not to shy away from a couple of policemen we passed in the street. The terror in my head was feeding my excitement and the old state of ecstasy was there in a way I have never known.

Three days passed when I got the phone call it was from Jenny, it was ten in the morning and she was at Margaret’s flat and crying desperately down the phone. I had to stop myself from talking as I nearly said “I know” when Jenny said she was dead. I had not thought what I was going to do if it was Jenny that found the body. I always assumed it would be a friend or a neighbour or someone from her work who was missing her but never Jenny. What should be my reaction was the next thought so I decided as a long time partner of Jenny I should rush to her side and offer moral support. As I drove to the flats I thought well this is it and I am driving in to the lions den or perhaps even in to his mouth. When I got there a policeman asked who I was and I was escorted to a large caravan type thing and invited in. Jenny just folded in to a heap in my arms and wailed. I was shaking my heart was beating in my chest and all the feelings were back in my mind I was flying and all I needed to do was just hold Jenny in my arms and comfort her. I also had a brainwave I knew Jenny had babbled on about something on the phone and the words dead and Margaret had come across but nothing else so I asked what happened. When I got no answer after a second or two I asked again and then got a bit louder, it was at this point some one came over and told me that Jenny’s sister Margaret had been found dead and that they were investigating in to the circumstances of the death as there were some irregularities. It took me all my concentration and strength not to burst out laughing the word irregularities bounced through my head and a vision of Margaret tied to the bed flashed up in my mind irregularities yes, ok, irregularities.

What now I asked and was told we would be taken to the police station and Jenny would need to make a statement about the incident and possibly need to see the doctor as she has had a great shock. So off we went to the police station and after seeing a police doctor and a couple of tablets to calm her down Jenny slowly and precisely made her statement. It was not until this point the officer in charge came to us and declared that they were treating Margaret’s death as murder. Then about six in the evening we were taken home and left, it was all too easy, so far. Some people would call the feelings I was having stress others excitement and a few like me euphoria it just couldn’t get any better this was living on the edge. This was why the racing drivers pushed that extra speed out of their cars this is why the parachute jumper climbed into the airplane again and again this was the high I had been looking for my whole life.

Every news camera crew in the world seemed to be in town and by seven they were even outside our flat but a couple of nice policemen were keeping them at bay I even had to unplug the phone as it never stopped ringing. It was ten the next morning the questions I was expecting began, it started with where were you on the night in question. Well I told them exactly where I was I was in my bed drunk as a skunk hardly able to stand up and where was Jenny at this time, well, she was, sort of, in hospital. I got it just right the policeman's eyes light up as if to say ok you didn’t do the murder but, I am going to get you on grievous bodily harm charges later my old son. After that the police interviewed our neighbours who of course backed up my story 100% adding that after what I drank they were surprised I was still alive in the morning far less capable of going out to kill someone. And that was that it all went very quiet, we had the funeral where the tears flowed again and a bit of a wake where we all got a bit drunk. Then there was the inquest, where the police had to stand up and tell the judge they were no further forward in apprehending the person that committed this diabolical act. The judge made a verdict of unlawful death and we all went home. I am not daft enough to think it stopped there I knew the police would follow every thread they could find I just had to hope that non of the threads were mine and as the weeks passed in to months I knew they would be doing less and less and life went back to the humdrum state of normal. And humdrum is what it was becoming, for the first few weeks I was still getting excitement at a knock on the door or a police siren passing the flat and still having to stop myself dropping my head as I walked past an officer in the street and this satisfied my cravings. But now it was the humdrum that was setting in and after a night of boozing Jenny was in hospital again, I was becoming my old self again the trip was over. It was now the Depression set in the one that knocked the sole, I had been there before and normally after a night on the drink and a bit of a smack around with the ever suffering Jenny the Depression would go away but not this time it just didn’t seem to hit the spot. As I lay on my bed I started to think about Margaret I closed my eyes and there she was lying in her bed with me beside her and there was the euphoria again it came like an orgasm a ripple of pleasure went through my very soul and I fell quietly asleep. Memory is a wonderful thing it can recreate emotions and bring back your life with vision and imagination but for some of us it doesn’t last that long before it to becomes the humdrum.

Now frustration was setting in I needed something to give me my rush and from there it became a simple step, I need to kill again. There it was the feeling was back and I all of a sudden the endorphins were back I became invigorated I knew that once more I was in the zone the ecstasy was back and I wanted to keep it there. The big question was who would give me the greatest pleasure to kill, and all of a sudden the euphoria and the thrill disappeared as I realised I got so much out of killing Margaret because she was such a pain in my life. There was no one else in my life that upset me even close to the way she did, it was a devastating blow to realize I had no one to take the place of Margaret. I really got depressed after this thought and hit the old bottle again talk about drowning your sorrows. I was feeling miserable and the drink although it frees up the mind in to a stuper that kills the depression you do have to wake up at some point and it all comes back again. Nothing I did seemed to ease the depression, Jenny was becoming permanently bruised and even the neighbours were avoiding me after I decided to pick a fight with them as well. Although I was not the best partner to Jenny I was not unfaithful to her and when I wasn’t drunk took care of all her needs and wants, in fact I suspect I loved her but during a night of binging in a local bar I decided this other young lady in the bar was ever so sexy and I had to have her. I didn’t realise a woman could slap as hard it actually knocked me of my feet, ok I was drunk but even so my manhood kicked in and for the first time in a very long time I was embarrassed. With laughter at my back I staggered out of the bar and went home to sulk, now sulking for a normal sane person would be to get embarrassed, perhaps swear a bit blame the drink and forget it. Could I forget it, No, this became the only thing on my mind, how dare she turn me aside like that and now my mind was calling her names and one of the names I was calling her was Margaret. I didn’t realise it at first as it seemed to be a natural progression inside my mind to go from bitch to cow through whore to Margaret and all of a sudden the embarrassment became euphoria I had found another Margaret I was going to kill again and the pleasure flooded my body like opening the flood gates to heaven, I was back again. This time I needed to do some research I didn’t even know her name, I really hoped it would be Margaret as that would just set of little bits of my brain in to mind numbing ecstasy to the point where I could not be sure of controlling it. I started out by watching the bar where we clashed, not by going in but by sort of covert thinking sitting in my car opposite. Every night for a month I sat there and nothing, I was beginning to wonder if she had been there every night and I had been so drunk that I was not recognising her now. I sat in my car now in a state of depression all my euphoria had gone it had all been a big waste of time and I would not come back tomorrow night, this is what I would tell myself and every night I would find myself back here vegetating in my car. Then it happened it was Saturday night and she walked down the street and through the door in to the bar and she was on her own, instantly I was awake bright and the most wonderful bit of all was the high came back the euphoria was instantly in my blood again. I watched everyone who left in case I missed her after all if I failed to see her leave it could be another month before she came back again, as the time dragged on my head began to ache and every shadow became the girl. She must have been one of the last few customers to leave as the lights went off in the bar before she reached the end of the street. I decided to leave the car and walk a good distance behind her, following her was hard I couldn’t believe how difficult it could be to follow someone without getting to close or too far away and on two occasions I thought I had lost her as she turned down small streets before I was in a position to see her. Then she walked in to a small private car park and entered a block of flats. She used a key to get in the main door and disappeared from view I stood and watched the outside to see what lights went on and after a minutes was rewarded as the third floor window on the left hand side of the building light up. I approached the entrance, there were nine flats and nine door bells and post boxes and in the dim light I could see some names A Brown, D Pollic, F Nairn, W Madhier, D Gibb, L Watford, I Turin, J Clifford and C Bright.

I wrote the names down on a bit of paper and my mind thought no M for Margaret then, but I now had an address Bishops Way, and I had a number as the flats were numbered from 19 to 27 so it was 19 to 27 Bishops Way all I needed now was a phone book and time. I found five of the names in the phone book leaving me with A Brown, F Nairn and W Madhier on checking the names in an Internet cafe. Madhier was predominantly a Muslim name so I discounted that one which brought me down to two names. The Internet is a wonderful thing but typing A Brown in to the search engine gives you fifty five million references and adding the town brought it down to half a million and adding a street name made it only quarter of a million references so no help there. F Nairn was not that much better ok it started at half a million and town and street took it to ninety six thousand but still not a lot of help. I was batting my head on just how I was going to find out who she was. I did consider whether or not I needed a name but I decided I needed to know finding the name seemed to keep the excitement where I needed it to be. I now needed to put some time in to Jenny as she was complaining a bit about me spending so many night out I tried to tell her I was just crawling the pubs but I think she thought I had another girlfriend. So I went back to my normal ways spending time at home getting deliberately drunk to set the normal again and even giving Jenny a good thumping but not a hospital one this time just a, you know who your master is type and life fell back in to what we called normal. Most good ideas happen by accident and I found this out the hard way I realised a way to get my quarry's name when I fell down the stairs at our flat. I was carrying a black bag full of rubbish and there was me and the rubbish lying at the bottom of the stairs, ouch, I wasn’t really hurt a few bruises and if I had been seen perhaps my pride. But there the answer sat with a tea bag on top a letter which said “Hi, jenny just a note to say...........” and that was it just a note to say who she is and it was only a dustbin bag away. I could hardly contain myself that night I slipped around to the flats and found the dustbin it was a large metal skip with a lid on it which I cautiously opened, black bags there were dozens of them I had no intentions of trawling through all that lot. Bin day here was Tuesday so I reckoned she would put a bin out in the mornings so the next Tuesday morning I was sitting in my car at six in the morning watching a dustbin skip when out she came with a black bag of rubbish. She dropped it in the skip jumped in to a car and sped off presumably to work. This was risky I needed to get in open the skip grab the bag and out without anyone seeing me get back to the car and away. The excitement was back a risk needed to be taken so without another thought I dashed over opened the skip grabbed what was hopefully the correct bag and took of back to the car and away, I was sure in my mind no one had seen me but the euphoria lasted for hours. It was some time before I could examine the contents of the bag as it needed to be done in private. So I drove out of town quite some way and down a little country road before I stopped to open the bag. I opened the bag with a strange delight and went through all the paper contents and bingo dear Francis on one letter and Miss Nairn on the envelope Francis, her name was Frances Nairn. It’s amazing what you can tell from a dustbin bag it turns out that Francis works in a bank as a teller she has three catalogues and has been looking at brochures for a holiday in France. Even her mobile phone number was on a letter as well as a form from the trim gym for renewal of her annual membership. There was also a note from her mother asking her if the enclosed photographs are the ones she wanted from her cousins wedding. I felt I knew her intimately now, I felt that now, I could kill her.

My thoughts were now focusing on how I was going to get in to her flat this is the place where I killed Margaret and felt it was important to do the deed in her own home but this time I didn’t have access to the keys. I didn’t know how to pick a lock and whatever method I used I had to be quiet and not wake anyone else in the block of flats, could I steal them perhaps this was the way but she could change her locks and then I would be back to square one. But still the idea of stealing the keys excited me so I made the decision to steal her keys, it meant getting closer to her and it increased the risk of someone seeing me near her but all this just raised the buzz I was getting and I started to follow her about from a distance. It was three days later in a night club when I got the opportunity to take her keys straight out of her bag left on a table as she and a few friends danced, she actually deserved to have had her bag taken but I just took the keys. I also had a bright idea I waited till they left and followed her home, I was getting good at following people now, and then followed her back to the club and then to a girlfriends house where she stayed. I then jumped in to the car and drove to the station where I took a train to London, in the morning I found a shop that cut keys and had the flat key and the door key cut I took the train home again and attended the night club again where I dropped the keys just under the edge of a cigarette vending machine close to where they were sitting. I watched them most of the night till some guy saw them and handed them to a member of the bar staff, I hoped someone would remember my Francis and give her them back. The trouble with ideas like that you never know if they are going to work and some things just have to be left in the hope it all turns out just how you want it to. I decided it was a good idea to leave Francis all alone for at least two weeks. The wait was hard I sat at home with Jenny and could think of nothing else but Francis and what I was going to do to her. During this cooling off period I bumped the car on a wall just enough to scratch it and had to go to the paint shop where I acquired another plastic suit and even some better throw away gloves, the goggles and sticky tape this time came from a cash sale in one of these huge DIY stores but I could not find over shoes anywhere not even to buy so I decided to go with two plastic bags I was all set.

Date time and alibi was next how could I sort out my alibi with Jenny a hospital trip was a little too risky and I could end up killing her as well so I decided that alcohol was going to have to do the trick. Jenny didn’t drink I suspect it was because she saw what it did to me and had no wish to become the drunk that I was so I bought a bottle of vodka. I decided I needed a practice night and started by making Jenny a cup of coffee, with a generous measure of vodka in it apart from telling me it tasted a bit strange she drank it and the coke after and another and by the time she was on coke number three there was more vodka than coke in the glass. Jenny slept like a baby, in fact she went to bed at eleven PM and it was three PM the next afternoon when she got up she felt rather rough and was a bit sick but that was all, she could not remember me trying to wake her at four AM and even when I bared her bottom and took a belt to her she never uttered a word my alibi was set all I needed now was the witnesses. I could no longer ask next door as they had not spoken to me since I broke his nose in a drunken brawl a few months back. So I decided to encourage Jenny to invite a few of her friends out. We had now set the date and time it was going to be this Saturday night, we started our night in the local bar and moved to our flat about ten where our first doctored drink flowed passed Jenny’s lips in fact the alcohol flowed very well her friends were well drunk and when they left at about eleven they would have sworn on a stack of bibles I could not stand up far less walk. When they left Jenny got another hefty vodka and within an hour another three, by one o’clock I recon she was that drunk I could have poked out her eyeball and made her eat it. My time had come, I collected my little carrier bag from the car and walked to Francis’s flats. It took about forty five minutes. Once there I hid behind the rubbish skip and changed in to my plastic protectors I was now ready to kill and didn’t I know it my heart was pumping as if there was no tomorrow and I felt like I could float. The time was right I took out the new keys I was shaking as I put the front door key in the lock praying it would work and silently the lock slid back and the door opened. I proceeded up the stairs to flat number 25 and slid the key in the lock I nearly passed out as I turned it as it went without any effort and the door slid open. I closed the door and had to just stand for what must have been ten minutes to let my breathing slow down to a level I thought would not wake Francis up and then I started to explore the house. There was enough light coming in of the street to see shadows as I slowly negotiated past the bathroom in to the lounge and around the furniture in to the kitchen. There were two levels in the flat and the bedroom was up stairs so I back tracked to the door and slowly silently went up the stairs at the top of the stair I was directly in the bedroom and looking at the bed, the big empty bed. Tears welled up in my eyes I have come so far and all for nothing but then I came to my senses it was not all for nothing I had discovered the keys worked the doors didn’t creak and the bedroom was at the top of them this was a successful reconnaissance mission. I was just about to go back down the stair when I heard a door, it was the front door and footsteps were coming upwards all the way to the top. A key was entered in to the lock and the door I had previously been standing behind was now opening and Francis came in to her flat. I could here her bumping about a little and muttering to herself and then the door to the bathroom closed, in a state of sheer terror noises in the silence are crisp and sharp and the noise of Frances peeing in the toilet was like the waters of Niagara falls in my ears. Then a flush and the door of the bathroom opened and Francis was climbing the stairs she was coming to me and I was terrified. I lay on the floor at the opposite side of the bed and lay there wondering which side of the bed she would get in from and thought if it was this side there was going to be some screaming. I was having major problems breathing as my body wanted to pant hard and fast but I knew I had to breath slow and silently or discovery was going to be quick. Francis didn’t come round to my side and didn’t really get in to bed, instead she sort of flung herself on to the bed and that was the last movement I heard. As I lay in the grey dark I could here her breathing a little erratically and this turned into a snore she had fallen straight to sleep. I moved very slowly on to my feet and could see her lying naked on the bed her firm body stretched out over the bed from one side to the other and then there was the smell, I bent over to her face and there it was alcohol she was drunk. My auto euphoria kicked in she was drunk and she was mine and the plan was back on tonight I was going to kill again. I got the cord and noosed her hands together in a slip knot above her head which was quite tight threw the cord under the bed and put another slip knot around her feet again fairly tight this meant no matter what she was tied to the bed I undid a length of sticky tape and got ready to tape her mouth. Slowly I placed the tape over her mouth and gently pushed the tape down, it was not until I was pushing the tape firmly down that she started to wake up and the dawn of realisation hit her and she tried to scream. As I continued to tape around her head and back round a couple of times to make sure. I have a feeling that by this time she was well awake and if not sober as as alert as it was possible to be in the circumstances. That wide eyed look that Margaret had was there and the tear in the eyes was there and the Mmm Mmm noise as she attempted to scream it all came flooding back I was in my dream state again endorphins were flowing through my body and mind and I was loving every minute of it. I looked down on her squirming naked body and wanted to make love to her but knew I couldn’t. I was here to kill and my plans were not robust enough to change them so dramatically so I had to content myself with a look and then got on with the job. I climbed on the bed and turned Francis on her back and sat with one leg ether side of her. I put my hands on her breasts massaging them round and round and slowly moving my hands up around her neck slowly towards her face with one hand either side of her face spreading my fingers over her ears I slowly pushed a thumb up and partially inside each side of her nose. I looked straight in to her ever widening eyes as she struggled for breath my pulse gaining momentum and my breathing almost to fast to count and then all of a sudden the shine in her eyes slowly diminished. I stared in to the lifeless eyes for what seemed ages allowing the prickly sensation to flow around my body before I collapsed exhaustedly on top of her lifeless corps. I got off the bed and stood over her staring at her naked body with my head buzzing and my breathing slowly returning to normal I then turned and walked away. I left the building and changed behind the skip it was now four AM and there was one or two cars about I was going to have to be very careful going home I packaged up my plastic bits and on the way home someone was clearing out there garden and there skip received a little plastic package that would mean nothing to anyone. It took me two hours to get home as I needed to dodge all the traffic where I found Jenny still in the position I left her so I climbed into bed and went to sleep tomorrow was another day and I was happy. It was on the news today woman’s body found tied to bed the news papers are linking it to Margaret’s murder and talking about a serial killer being on the loose but the police are saying they don’t think they are related it shows what they know, and every time I see it on the television I get another high the euphoria was much higher this second time. I was already thinking if the second time is high what is it going to be like the third time. I know, the third time was already in my mind, I was thinking about it even although I did not know I was.

Funnily enough I was not expecting the police at my door as there was absolutely nothing in the world to connect me with Francis. I only met her the once whilst drunk in a bar I have never been in again. So when I answered the door to find two policemen there I was genuinely shocked and the policemen new it, you could see it in their faces. They asked me to accompany them to the station to answer a few questions and when I asked why they said it was just for a few routine questions they needed to clear up from the murder of Margaret Heron. Jenny came to the door and asked if she was needed and they said not at this time Well what could I do I had to agree otherwise it would have been suspicious so off we went to the police station. I recognised the officer who came in to question me he was the one in charge of Margaret’s murder case he sat down in front of me and said where were you on Saturday night. I was ready for it though and I replied Saturday I thought this was about Margaret’s murder. He said it was connected to Margaret’s murder and would I answer the question. I was at the local bar till about ten’ish then me, Jenny and a few of her friends went back to my place for a few more drinks I think they left about eleven when Jenny and I went to bed. He asked if I could give me the names of the friends and I told him honestly that no I could not as they were Jenny’s friends not really mine. I was asked for one last thing and that was would I object to having a swab taken for a DNA test, I asked would it hurt and was told it was just a swab like a cotton bud which was rubbed against my inner cheek after which I said not a problem. A doctor, well a guy in a white coat came in and with gloves on swabbed the inside of my cheek put the swab in a plastic tube taped over the top and added my name to it. That was it thank you very much you can go now. It was all a little mysterious and as I didn’t know what was happening and where they were going with it all. The excitement was excellent this was going to be so good. On the news it said the young lady had sex not long before she died and police were comparing DNA samples from various sources so now I knew what was going on. They had linked the two killings and were making sure they didn’t miss anyone especially me.

Looking scientifically at what I was doing I suppose I was like a drug addict, once I had experienced the rush the memory sustained me for a while but then there is the need to enhance it with a little more. But the memory says this was not as good so I need to up the pleasure like the drug addict the amount of the drug goes up or he goes for something stronger. This is where I found myself a few weeks later, yes that’s right a few weeks not months as before, it was a little concerning even to me I was starting to get the old depression feelings again so the planning for murder number three began to become a reality.

In my mind I was telling myself I wanted more this time, I had stood before Francis’s naked body and I wanted to make love to her so this time my preparations would have to be much more thorough. I started to look for victim number three but this time there was a different motive I was not looking for someone who has done me wrong or embarrassed me I was looking for some one with sex appeal and a beautiful or at least interesting body. It was not easy I needed someone young beautiful and living on their own and most of the girls today who fit this category have a boyfriend who sleeps round every other night or they are a single mum and I don’t think I am sick enough yet where I would leave a baby motherless so the search went on. Then out of the blue she appeared as if by magic I came home one day and she was sitting in my front room miss gorgeous. Jenny introduced her to me her name was Greta Anastrobia a 23 year old blond with a body men must have died for in the past. Jenny had joined a gym to try and loose weight and become quite friendly with the young Greta and brought her back for coffee So we sat and had coffee where we talked and I found out she had moved here from Czechoslovakia about six months ago and started working in the gym as an aerobics instructor. She knew very few people in the country but was enjoying living here and hoped to settle down in this area. I was in love every particle of my body was dancing I had found victim number three. Greta sat and talked well in to the evening and we ran her home in the car to a little cottage on the outskirts of town where the neighbours were not listening to you when you had a pee, it was one of the nicer areas and a little bit of envy crept in which was going to make it a little bit easier when it comes to killing her.

Jenny and I went home and the feelings in my body came out with a passion I have never known and for the first time in our sex life Jenny squealed with euphoria and erupted in tears of pleasure. We slept well that night and I dreamed of the pleasure I was going to have with Greta. I encouraged Jenny to be friends with Greta and over the weeks that followed she often spent time in our house and we all talked and on a few occasions we would take her home but I never entered her house this was my plan and I had to stick to it. When the police checked for DNA evidence there would be non at all anywhere in the house after all Margaret was forever in there house and the police found no DNA evidence linking me to her murder so what works once should work again.

The night Jenny announced Greta was going back to Czechoslovakia my mind and heart sank through the floor my dreams were shattered and my plans which were a plastic suit a mask and goggles which were in the back of the car were all of a sudden useless. I asked her what we had done to her and she explained it was just for a holiday, I honestly felt like killing Jenny on the spot I have never felt like that towards her before, but that depression trough I fell into came back with a vengeance which I decided to sort out as soon as I had killed Greta. Two weeks she was going for and that would be two weeks of waiting but every cloud has a silver lining and this one lined Jenny’s pockets with the keys to Greta’s house so she could water the plants. I spent another day in London and low and behold I had a set of keys that no one new about.

The planning was going well I had the plastic suit I had the keys and I had a packet of condoms. I also had a body that was tingling all over every time I thought about Greta and in my mind I was planning the time we were going to spend together. Two weeks is a long time to wait for something you need and by the end of it I was rather frustrated. During the day I would be thinking of all the things I was going to do to Greta and in the evening I would practice on Jenny. I don’t think poor Jenny knew what to think as every evening I would be come to bed and touch her prod her and play with her in every conceivable way. Jenny was probably thinking I was going through one of these seven year itch things men are supposed to have but in fact I was thinking can I do this with my plastic suit on.

All things come to he who waits is an old saying and I waited and Greta came home. She came to our house first to get her keys back and we drove her home, the feelings of euphoria were all there again and the prickly sensation was all through my body again. All I needed to do was set the date and while taking her home she said she was going to have a party and we were invited. Jenny said of course we will come and I just sat there and smiled could I attend a party in her house and then go in and kill her. This would mean my DNA would be in the house and would probably be picked up by the police. On the other hand if I didn’t go this would be strange behaviour and could also be picked up by the police, my mind was racing. I decided in my head I would have to attend the party and make sure I didn’t enter the bedrooms as this was where I was going to kill her. I was happy again in a weeks time I was going to a party with Greta and after I was going to go back there and after satisfying my sexual urges I would kill her. As I fell asleep dreaming of what was to come the endorphin levels in my body must have gone in to overload as I awoke with Jenny shaking me with tears in her eyes. Jenny told me I had begun shaking violently in my sleep for several minutes until I stopped completely when she thought I was dead. This was on the Monday and I felt sleepy, light headed and tingly all over for the next day or two it was wonderful. I told Jenny never to tell anyone as I could loose my driving licence. I also suggested to Jenny it was the drink and promised her faithfully I would cut down the amounts I consumed. This seemed to pacify her and she duly stopped talking about it.

Greta told us the party preparations were well under way and half a dozen of the people she instructed in aerobics at the gym were attending the party. This was music to my ears with several people there it would be easy to spike the drinks of Jenny and Greta. The more Greta had to drink the easier it would be for me to have my pleasure. I bought three bottles of vodka as this was less likely to be detected when I spiked the drinks and just had to hope no one saw me taking them in. Then a problem on the Wednesday evening Greta asked if Jenny and I would like to stay the night of the party to save us all the problems of going home in the early hours of the morning. I couldn’t think of a good reason not to I mean to say “sorry can’t stay because I am going to kill you” just doesn’t come out right and we agreed. All my plans all the preparation all the luck everything was down the drain I cant stay the night and kill her as well. I lay in bed thinking about what was going to happen next I could feel the depression starting to creep up on me and couldn’t help but remember two night ago when the euphoria was so high I passed out. Then it struck me I needed to recreate Monday night and plead with Jenny to come home. After all we wouldn't want our new friend to see me in such a state now would we lets come home it’s for the best. I lay awake until two AM planning my moves remembering how she described what happened and hoping I could recreate it in a believable way I just wish I had gone to some acting classes. I wondered how these thing started was it slow and building up to a crescendo or was it like flipping a switch. I decided the switch was going to be the way as Jenny was sleeping and wouldn’t know exactly how it started. So I started to shake I got every part of my body to join in and Jenny woke up in terror she was holding me shaking me shouting at me and even slapped me a couple of time and I lay there thinking I will get you back for those. This was exhausting she had said it lasted several minutes and here was I after about thirty second aching all over I was never going to keep this up so I just stopped. I was consciously trying to breath slowly and felt Jenny’s hair over my face she was checking to see if I was breathing. After a few more seconds she started to shake me again and with a big deep breath I came round for her. Jenny was in tears again I couldn’t believe it I treated her like muck and she was in tears over me. We sat and talked for a long time during which I planted the coming home seed which worked, that night Jenny told Greta we would not be staying. I was back on track this Saturday Greta and I had an appointment from which only I would walk away from.

I took several bottles to the party three bottles of vodka a whisky a brandy and a rum as well as a very special one for me. It was the cold tea again I was actually beginning to like it, they all went in a sturdy bag that I set down beside Greta’s drinks cabinet which was also quite full of bottles. I added some of mine to the rest and placed my bottle in a corner almost behind the cabinet the idea was going to be my glass would always be full and people would see me drinking it therefor I was drunk. There was music and dancing and games in fact I was actually enjoying myself until I went for my drink which was on one of the tables. It tasted awful and then I realised Jenny had watered it down she was ensuring I didn’t drink too much. After that I never let the glass out of my site and Jenny knew I knew. This made spiking the drinks hard work as Jenny watched me every time I went to the drinks cabinet but after a few vodka and coke’s she stopped and the party went on.

We all had taxi’s booked for midnight and by then Greta and Jenny were in a rather drunken state. I poured Jenny in to the taxi and fell in after her and at the other end we both fell out and the taxi left us on the pavement. I had to carry her up to the flat and put her to bed and then I was ready to return and the tingles started. A brisk forty minute walk to the outskirts of town a key in the lock and I was in Greta’s house. The place was still in a state so she had obviously just dropped everything and gone to bed. I put my plastic suit on and went to find which bedroom she slept in looking round the first door she was lying on top face down in a short pink frilly nighty. I could feel the shakes coming on and the euphoria streaming through my body as I watched her sleeping. She had drunk more than Jenny and was almost crawling around the floor when we left so I decided I could turn her over before tying her to the bed. I spoke softly to her and pulled gently on her shoulder and as her back hit the mattress her right hand hit me and then her left and she started to scream. I was out of options I punched her straight in the face and kept going till she stopped. She was unconscious breathing noisily and I was shaking like a leaf with fright she must have the constitution of an elephant a bottle of vodka and half a bottle of whisky she drank and still she could put up a fight. I went over and switched the light on there was blood on my hands and when I looked it was her blood she was bleeding from the nose and had a cut above her eye. I picked up my cord and tied her to the bed spread eagle I was back in control. The endorphin’s were working overtime and I think the adrenalin was there as well because I had never felt the way I was feeling before as I taped her mouth closed I could hardly stop my self shaking. I went through to the kitchen and found some scissors and was busy cutting the pink nighty off when Greta came round and even although I had tied her very securely she began writhing about to the point where the bed actually started to move across the floor. And there it was that eyes opened wide look that got me every time I was back in Margaret’s bedroom flashes of Margaret and Frances crossed my mind as I watched Greta’s naked body squirming on the bed and I was in heaven. It was time to sort out the condom I was going to enjoy this I went to the bathroom as I needed to put one on and then re seal the plastic suit, but a problem, when you open a condom there is a liquid in the package a lubricant and it was all oily and once it was on my disposable gloves I could hardly even keep hold of it. I needed to put it on make a hole in the plastic suit and tape the seal back up but it was not going to happen as the lubricant was going to stop the tape sticking. I walked through to the bedroom knowing I was going to have to satisfy myself without the sex. I enjoyed the time I spent with Greta playing with her body but time goes by and the time for the big thrill was upon me. I sat over her body one leg ether side and as with Francis I started by massaging her breasts working slowly to her neck and up to her head. This is where the endorphins always kick in for me and now was no exception. One hand ether side of the face and a thumb stuck up each nostril. It’s always the eyes once they realise I intend to kill them the eyes open so wide I feel like I can see their sole. I was shaking again and so was Greta so I removed my thumbs and she drew in breath so hard her nostrils almost closed on there own. This was wonderful I could extent my pleasure give her hope and take it away cruelty of the worst type but sheer pleasure for me. As I slipped my thumbs back in to place something went pop it was a distinct sound I heard it, I drew back my hands and turned to look where it came from. There was a feeling of danger it was as if I had been given a fright and it was on top of all the other feelings and a feeling of dizziness and then the pain. I thought at first Greta had freed a hand and hit me on the head but as I turned she was still all tied up safe and sound but this pain in my head was so harsh and the light, the light was so strong it hurt. I needed to finish the deed and get home I started to slide my hands up towards her face but it was hard to do and getting harder in fact I was not moving them at all. And Greta’s face was getting closer to mine, I, was moving towards her and I couldn’t stop myself. The pain in my head was horrendous and there was another pop and my body started to shake. There was I covered in plastic on top of one of the most beautiful naked bodies I have ever seen shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I then realised I was having another one of the episodes that I had on Monday all I needed to do was wait till it was over and then I could finish off and go home. The shaking stopped after a few minutes and I lay there light headed and exhausted. It was time to get on with it but I couldn’t move in fact I was not even sure if I could blink I was trying but nothing was happening. My eyes started to water I could feel them tears running down my nose and it was then I realised I was stuck I couldn’t move at all. All night we lay together in to the morning when a knock came on the door but nether of us could answer it. The knocker went away and time passed slowly Greta kept moving and pushing with her body and eventually I rolled of her. I was still light headed and still couldn’t move and now lying on my back the euphoria from the earlier efforts was worn off now and I was in that state of being where I was happy but on my way down knowing I had failed my task and would probably be caught now which meant I could never reach these heights of euphoric excitement again and new that it was only a matter of time before the depression would set in and this time it would be permanent. Greta had started to make that Mmmm Mmmm sound as if calling for help and in a way it brought a little excitement to my mind. I could feel it churning my stomach in fact I think it was fear, the fear of getting caught and excitement all mixed together. I belched not an uncommon thing but with it I was brining a little sick up and it burnt my throat and with a gasp it went down the wrong way and I started to chock. I couldn’t move I was chocking and could do nothing about it then my body took charge and I was sick all the cold tea and crisps from the party all joined in and there was me on my back unable to move. There was a banging at the door my mind was reeling I could not breath and I was going to be caught it was all going to be over as I lay there my lungs gasped at nothing and a cold shiver went through my body it was a pleasant feeling not quite up to the euphoric feelings I got when I was excited but a pleasant one and as the door burst open and panicky voices sifted through I slowly drifted away..................