Magrat Queen of Lancre
It was dark and raining in the Ramtops and very very early
in fact it was so early in the morning it could still have been last night. There
was a bump in the night and a voice said bugger are you sure this is right Esmay
after all leaving in the middle of the night seems wrong. Of course I am sure snapped
granny Weatherwax if I wasn’t sure we would not be doing this. It’s the only way
I can think of going there with out Magrat and that baby tagging along and upsetting
Verence again. Besides that it could be dangerous and you know what happens when
it gets dangerous and the baby is there folks get hurt and we could do without that
at least just for now. With a few more bumps and a few more buggers and a little
bit of a jog down the road two shadows rose in to the air and crossed the moon.
The
sun rose lazily over the Ramtops in a old I know what I am doing fashion pushing
it’s way through the clouds and bringing the morning to the world, As it progressed
it rose slowly up the walls of the castle of King Verence the King of Lancre and
slowly in through the royal bedroom window where King Verence and his Queen Magrat
were sleeping. Bodies stirred in the daylight and a pair of eyes opened and the
day began. Magrat jumped out of bed and crossed to the window flinging it open and
taking a huge deep breath of the fresh morning air. Ah what a beautiful morning
fresh after the rain said Magrat another day where it’s good to be alive. This was
answered by a grunt from somewhere deep beneath the bed clothes. As Magrat surveyed
the view from her window something was amiss, something was not just quite right,
sort of missing. Magrat shrugged and skipped of to see Esmeralda and get her ready
for breakfast. Breakfast now there was an experience in a castle for some inexplicable
reason it revolved a lot of the time around sausages. Why sausages and not bacon
or porridge or different kinds of eggs like poached or scrambled but no it was sausages.
Because I happen to like sausages said Verence one day and the cook heard about it
so that’s what was brought EVERY day and the cook tried so hard to get it right no
one had the heart to tell her that a change would be good as well.
Magrat had a
pattern in her life after breakfast she always had a good walk pushing Esmeralda
around the kingdom in the new buggy that Mr. Holemyre the blacksmith made for her.
It was modern and light with three wheels instead of four and they were quite wide
so the buggy could go over nearly any type of ground and this is what Magrat did.
Every day a different part of Lancre was explored and every day another discovery
was made that Lancre had lots and lots of … well…. Trees, Lancre had lots of trees.
The only places there were not trees there were rocks and even then there would be
trees either side of the rocks. But they were Magrat’s trees and that was all right.
After a good brisk walk Magrat stood on a small hill looking over the valley and
from here she could see the imposing, although a little bit run down Lancre castle.
And there it was that strange feeling again the one she had in the morning as she
looked out of the castle bedroom window. Something was not quite right sort of missing
absent not quite right Magrat sat for a while just staring at the landscape trying
to explain the feeling. Ever since Esmeralda was born Magrat and her new buggy had
spent hours exploring the kingdom and had discovered new herbs and berries as well
as the best place to pick mushrooms and where the best blackberries were and the
apple trees that had the sweetest fruit and even a little dell where the very rare
red capped toadstool grew and that was good for curing boils on the.. erm well on
the, you know the, ah well what you sit on all day so there and that was very rare
indeed even granny Weatherwax was surprised that they grew here as she always said
if it was worthwhile you had to travel to get it. And this is what was going through
Magrat’s mind as she sat and stared over the valley as her eyes lowered she noticed
a small bush with light blue berries on it she absent mindedly reached out and picked
one of the berries and crushed it gently in her fingers. The scent was quite strong
and pleasant and Magrat gently sniffed the aroma when all of a sudden her eyes opened
wide and she jumped on to her feet and shouted to the entire world I’ve got it.
Even
flying by broomstick takes time and very thick thermal knickers and when you are
not that keen on it there is always a lot of grumbling and Granny Weatherwax was
a good grumbler. On the other hand or should we say on the other broomstick Nanny
Ogg didn’t mind flying and her thermals were good quality and the hip flask that
her Jason gave her two Hogswatches ago was large and at this point smelled strangely
of apples, well mainly apples. Nanny Ogg just didn’t care the cold would have to
take care of it’s self she said. Gytha Ogg don’t you think you have had quite enough
of that here flask I want you fit and sober when we get there said Granny Weatherwax.
Don’t you worry yourself there Esmay Weatherwax I knows just what I is doing and
I think a sing song would help the time go bye. You start singing about hedgehogs
and I will give you a clip around the ear Gytha Ogg, besides we are nearly there
that looks like Ankhmorpork look over there. The two witches slowed down and looked
for a private place to land somewhere inconspicuous said Granny Weatherwax. So nanny
Ogg landed in the middle of Sator Square well when we say landed we sort of meant
with a bump…. And a bang…. And a bit of screaming you know that sort of thing as
this was going on Granny landed behind a big cart and quietly walked over to where
there was the most commotion and a large crowd to find granny arguing with this gentleman
over an upset tray of sausages. You will have to pay for these he said no one is
going to buy them now they has been on the floor tell you what $10 and that’s cutting
me own throat that is. Nanny reached down and put her hat back on her head just
as granny arrived and CMOT Dibbled went a little white Er…. Um…. you is witches aren’t
you well why didn’t you say so no harm done no harm at all as he scooped the merchandise
of the floor and made a hasty retreat. People realizing the street theatre was over
begun to go about there own business. Come on Gytha lets get you somewhere out of
the road and see if we can’t sober you up a bit. As they walked away Nanny brought
a sausage out from under her hat and was just about to eat it when the greasy smell
of pig hit her nostrils. Dropping it rather smartishly and wiping her hand on an
old rag from an unseen pocket Nanny followed Granny up a side street. In the distance
there was a voice that said here there’s one missing well would you believe it you
can’t trust no one these days excuse me young sir you look like a man with a hunger
for a sausage in a bun to you sir 10 pence, and that’s cutting me own throat.
Magrat made a decision she could not keep this to her self she would have to tell
Granny Weatherwax what she had discovered Granny would know what to do. Magrat picked
up Esmeralda from the buggy and put her in the sling that Nanny Ogg made for her
telling her it was the safest way for a baby to travel. She then pulled at the back
of the buggy and after a click out came one broomstick. After a bit of a hop and
a skip and a jump they were off in the direction of Granny Weatherwaxes cottage.
Whoosh they went it is always quicker when you fly in a straight line and when you
are quite high up you can see where you are going long before you get there that
is why Magrat noticed there was no smoke coming from Granny Weatherwaxes chimney.
This was very unusual as Granny always had some potion or draft on the brew so with
a little apprehension Magrat landed quite a way back from the cottage. It looked
a little eerie Magrat thought it was different she couldn’t explain it just different.
Magrat skulked around to the back door (there was no other way of putting it she
skulked) put a hand on the latch. If I open it quickly she thought then it won’t
be such a big fright so pushing the latch down Magrat hit the door with her shoulder
then her nose and landed sitting on the floor. Ow that hurt Magrat opened the sling
and there was Esmeralda laughing back up at her, Magrat got back on her feet and
tried the door it was locked. Magrat went over to the privey and found Granny’s
spare key by now the apprehension was gone and Magrat was feeling a little angry
that Granny had gone off without telling her and obviously gone for a while otherwise
she would never have locked the door. Magrat opened the door and went in to the
kitchen it was cold and a little damp she sat down at the table and there was a note
under the sugar bowl it said (in shaky hand righting)
For Magrat…
Gone to help a
friend be back in about a week
Granny Weatherwax
Oh and ps Nanny Ogg is with me.
Well thought Magrat that’s that then I am on my own then all alone she sat in the
chill of the kitchen for the first time a single witch with a problem and no one
to talk to about it and fed Esmeralda.
Gytha Ogg you mention these hedgehogs one more
time and I am likely to leave you to fend for your self. Granny shut up, now let’s
see if we can find her it’s a big city and all we know is she wanted to sing but
a witch is a witch and I am sure she will be witching somewhere around. In fact
Agnes 'Perdita X. Dream' Nitt wasn’t witching around she had installed herself in
to the opera house and was causing a bit of a stir with her, ahem singing talents.
But Granny and Nanny did not know the city of Ankhmorpork so they had to start from
the ground up so to speak when looking for someone. Can’t you just reach out and
find her mind Esmay what in all this turmoil I could never find a single human in
all this lot it would be hard enough to isolate an animal here far less ! then granny
stopped hang on a minute yes there was a mind there sort of basic and singled out
from the rest let me see now just a little more and Granny had an urge to squeeze
spots in front of the mirror and started to rub her ear quite hard as if there was
something behind it. You all right Esmay you don’t half look a funny color there,
yes I am all right I have this strange feeling in my head that keeps telling me I
need a bath. You hade one just the other week now I am sure you are ok there said
Nanny yes said Granny I just need to clear my head and not do that again, lets go
and get a nice cup of tea.
Magrat quietly burped Esmeralda and sat there thinking what do I do now Granny has always been there and if she was busy then there was always Nanny Ogg. They have always said I need to take notice and do more but I never listened to them she jumped on to her feet and shouted to the entire world well at least the kitchen, Queen of Lancre will sort the problem my self. Realizing just what she said she sat down again and shivered for the first time she had to make a decision am I a witch or a wife. Today I am a witch, I think, Magrat got back on the broomstick and went to Lancre castle to talk to Verence he will know what to do after all he is king isn’t he. Well you would have needed to have been deaf or in another country to not have heard Magrat after she talked to King Verence all the way from the throne room to the bedroom all you could here was, call yourself a king you haven’t a clue where is your caring side to nature just standing there telling me there are plenty is that all you have to say well I never I thought you would at least be a bit more sympathetic to my feelings. Right then if you don’t want to do anything then I will. There was a door slamming and a few mumbles and that as far as king Verence was concerned was that I mean there are plenty left aren’t there just what do these wives expect ah well lets get on with the running of the kingdom. In the bedroom Magrat stood looking out the window tomorrow now there is a day that will be remembered.
It was a long and cold night in Lancre Magrat woke up several times and went to the
window If I could just see something happening it would make it all make sense.
So when the Sun started it’s long decent to the window of Lancre castle Magrat was
already in the kitchens looking for breakfast. There was panic, staff were running
around scurrying back and forth I mean after all the Queen never comes in to the
kitchen and especially not before the cook and the butler this is unheard of. But
there she was bold as brass eating one of yesterday’s sausages. After breakfast
and talking care of Esmeralda Magrat was ready to rule the world, well at least her
little part of the world. With Esmeralda in her sling Magrat headed of to the shed
where her buggy was kept opened the door and looked at the empty shed. Buggy where
had she left the buggy with all that happened she had left … on the hill all the
way over on to the hill…. blast. It was back on the broomstick again so on with
the thermal knickers and of they went. It had taken Magrat two hours to walk when
she went there the last time so on the broomstick it only took twenty minutes. After
a rather shaky landing because of the rough ground and a little run to slow down
all was well. Now where is my little darlings buggy Ah there it is. Magrat stood
and stared for a long minute her mouth was open she rubbed her eyes and looked again
but there it was bold as brass one buggy but it had sunk half way in to the ground.
Magrat looked around and the grass up against the buggy was unbroken it just seemed
to be sinking through the grass and soil without moving it. Magrat took the handle
on both hands and pulled, Nothing happened it didn’t move, not a smidgen solid as
a rock, she took her broomstick and pocked around the buggy but it was solid. Where
was granny when you couldn’t explain stuff and she always had the answer?
“Now I
know where the trees went”
We need to get your buggy back Esmeralda I need a, what
do you call these things, a shovel that’s it now where would I get a shovel.
Magrat flew back to Lancre Castle and went in to the garden now where would we keep a shovel. After a few minutes Magrat found this wooden stick with a blade on the end Ah that looks like what I need. Magrat climbed on to the broomstick and paused and then she climbed off. There was a strange look on her face sort of thoughtful concerned and with a spirit of determination she walked of in to the castle. A few minutes later she came back out with a smile on her face and another pair of thick knickers on that’s better Esmeralda its dame cold on that broom stick. Whoosh back to the Buggy Magrat noticed the buggy had sunk a little more she climbed of the broomstick and held the shovel at arms length and tried to work out how it was used. Well I have seen the gardener use this before it can’t be that hard she placed the edge of the shovel on the ground next to the buggy and stuck her foot on the top and pushed. The buggy dropped through the ground with a thrup and a bump Magrat looked down the hole and the buggy was in a tunnel. Well now said Magrat that’s interesting and as she said that the ground she was standing on gave way and Magrat fell in to the buggy which started to move. At this point Magrat realized the tunnel was on a slope and quite dark. The buggy was moving quite fast now and seemed to be getting faster Magrat held Esmeralda very tight and curled in to a ball. The tunnel was getting wider and as she looked out there were trees lining the tunnel the missing trees Lancre’s trees HER trees. The buggy hit a small stone on the path which caused it to turn a little and scrape against the wall of the tunnel this had the effect of slowing the buggy down and after a few hundred feet which seemed to last a life time the buggy stopped. Magrat relaxed a bit then she froze the sling was ever so quiet in fact when she thought about it there had been no movement since she had fallen in to the buggy. Holding her breath she opened the sling and looked in Esmeralda was gone. She must have fallen out during the fall and there was so much going on Magrat did not see her go. She jumped out of the buggy and took to her heels anyone looking in on this would have tipped her for the marathon winner and as we all know for short distances a human can run faster than a horse but in Magrat’s case I think the horse would have struggled over a ten furlong length to even come close. When Magrat reached the hole in the tunnel there was nothing to be seen Magrat climbed the sheer wall as if there was a ladder and looked out on to the hill and still nothing. Magrat dropped back down and stood breathing very deeply and counting slowly to 10 when she calmed down a little she began to look around. There were footprints small footprints dwarfs she thought just wait till I find them. She had not noticed them before as she had been blinded by the rage of a mother, now she was thinking properly LIKE A WITCH. And the first thoughts were I wish Granny was here.
Nanny and Granny were sitting in a nice (well as nice as you can get) quiet (well you know quiet is as quiet does) tea shop (well the chap behind the bar took one look in to Granny’s eyes and just couldn’t refuse the tea). They were sitting in a corner watching the brawl that was ensuing holding there tea cups because the table had been bashed a few times and they didn’t want to spill any. It always seems strange you are in a bar in Ankhmorpork and there is always someone who says the wrong thing. You know what I mean things like hello now there’s a word just asking for a thick ear or excuse me now that one will lose you an ear or even worse pardon me now words like that would be plain suicide. Who knows what started this particular brawl but it looked like one of the Hello types a good all round fun type old fashioned bar brawl. It doesn’t seem to matter what was going on it never seemed to affect Nanny and Granny the fight was going on all around them and there they were sitting quite happily watching the goings on and sipping there tea in relative peace and quiet (this being the Ankhmorpork type of peace and quiet) with not much more than an occasional bump of the table and an apology afterwards from even the toughest looking barbarian. Respect that’s what you get respect said Granny its nice to see that even in this uncivilized city there is still a respect for witches. (I suspect that the story of the two women who managed to remove a sausage from CMOT Dibbler and walk away may also have something to do with it) but it didn’t matter to Granny she just sat there with a proud look on her face thinking yes respect.
Magrat stood there and physically shook herself that’s better now Granny and Nanny
are not here so I am going to sort this out myself. On that note she walked down
the tunnel with a mothers determination and a, you get in my way attitude that would
have scared mountain lions. It took Magrat several minutes to get back to the place
where the buggy had come to a stop. This is because there were little tunnels (well
I say little tunnels they were still big enough to drive a horse and cart down) and
Magrat slowed as she passed and looked up each one. In each one there were broken
tree branches and footprints and dragging marks where the sunken trees had been dragged
in to the main tunnel. Magrat reached the buggy and looked at the wall that had
stopped her that little bit closer, there was little hand prints imbedded in to the
walls hundreds of them. Magrat stood back and looked around funny I can see I am
in a tunnel under the ground and I can see all right it’s not daylight but it certainly
isn’t dark she looked behind her and it was dark back up the tunnel where she had
come from and then forward where she was going and there to it was dark but just
here it was well light…. Ish. Magrat looked up the ceiling was moving it was alive
and it was generating light. A cold shiver ran down Magrat’s back then something
else just in the range of her vision moved and headed up the nearest offshoot of
the main tunnel. Magrat bounded after it running as fast as she could the thing
she was following looked like a huge bundle of sacks and it was moving faster than
she was and it was getting dark. She stopped it had disappeared in the dark as Magrat
stood there the light caught up and once again it became light enough to see. Magrat
looked up at the strange glowing critters and wondered why they were following her
and not the other creature. With a little dread in her mind that said perhaps the
other creature was not quite as tasty as she was Magrat turned and marched back to
the main tunnel. When she got to the main tunnel the buggy was gone dame it had
been a trick to get her away so some other thieving toe-
Granny had finished her tea and Nanny had finished the hedgehog song but the bar room brawl was still in progress and Grammy decided she needed to know what started it. (Granny being from the mountains where this sort of thing would be called a feud and would have been going for several hundred years and practically everyone involved would have a different view as to why they were feuding and this was instrumental in keeping the feud going over the years) The next person to bump the table was grabbed by the neck and held down on the table by his beard. He protested to Granny that this was cheating and she should let him go so he can adjust someone’s knees with his battle axe. Granny ignored the request Now then young man (it may have been a woman but when it comes to dwarfs who knows? Well apart from another dwarf I mean) Now then young man just what is all this ruckus about pray tell me. The dwarf on the table who was bright enough to tell if he stayed there too long some other bugger would take advantage and he would be limping home or if the woman holding his beard was what he and everyone else there thought she was, possibly hopping home and going ribbit. It’s Opera that did it Opera Granny gave him a look that said I don’t know what you are talking about but I am not going to let on. Granny let go the beard and the dwarf with a scream shot over the bar with the axe swinging over his with a blur and disappeared in to the crowd the screams increased and Granny winced when she thought of just what that axe did. Any idea what he was talking about Gytha that’s where they all get on a stage and squeal so loud and hard you cant understand them ain’t it yes I believe you are right Hum Opera
Magrat had never faced anything like this on her own before and she was crying for the first time in years. Esmeralda was missing the buggy was gone and the tunnel had dozens of branches off in to the dark and the light on the ceiling was coming down the wall and starting to climb the log she was on. Magrat jumped up and moved away from the light, this is creepy she thought. There can be a time in everybody’s life when there is a decision which will have life changing effect and this is the day that Magrat reached hers. She turned away from the entry and strides of down the tunnel with a new determination but not too quickly as the light was a little slower than she was. The tunnel seemed to go on for miles and it was hard to tell how long Magrat had been walking, not only that she was getting hot. Stop for a minute and cool down that’s what we AH Magrat put a hand on the baby sling that’s what I need to do. For the first time there was a light up ahead sort of an orange glow a flickering orange glow and a noise sort of zzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzz noise. Then from behind her another noise Magrat ducked in to a side tunnel just in time as more of the little bundles of sack went slowly by dragging a tree. She followed them in to one of the biggest chambers she had ever seen and it was full of trees in various states of destruction the zzzzz zzzz was the little rag men sawing the trees up. As she scanned the chamber just to the left of her was the buggy and on closer inspection there was Esmeralda safe and sound in fact she was sound asleep.
Don’t you think we should be getting a place to sleep I won’t be worth anything tomorrow if in I aint had any sleep Esmay you know that. All right Gytha we will find a bed for the night. Granny asked the barman about rooms and after being told there was none to be had anywhere they went up to there room for a good nights sleep. The barman was sure he said there wasn’t a room in fact he was positive he had said that there wasn’t a room but there they were going up the stair with the key in there hands and the lad was carrying there broomsticks for them. In fact when he looked at his till he could not remember if he took the money. He told himself he must have as no one got lodgings here unless they paid in advance, simply no one. But as he watched them go up the stairs there was an unsure and slightly menacing look on his face. During the night as granny snored her loud uninterrupted single lady snore and Nanny her quieter used to being nudged snore Ankhmorpork busied its self in the run of the mill city workings the bars emptied with the rousting singing of the happily inebriated then as a few late revelers made there way home there was the occasional scream as they paid there thieves insurance and there was the quiet but terminal gifts given to friends through the assassins guild followed by a few dark figures slipping in to the odd dwelling to make up there night time thieves quota (with a receipt of course) and during it all Granny and Nanny slept soundly. Even when the squeak on the stairs was followed by a hissed “quiet you’ll wake them” even when a key clicked softly in there door even when a foot stepped on to Nanny’s broomstick even when it slid with the shadow on it straight across the room and even when the shadow went straight out the open window with a muffled scream and just as there was a splash in the water butt below a gentle smile came on Nanny’s face as she turned in her sleep. The other shadow carefully closed the door a soft click as it was locked again and a gentle squeak on the stair and then, it was morning. Bar keep said Granny some more toast if you please, the barman limped over to the table with some toast that’s a nasty bump on your head there I’m sure it was not there last night said Nanny. Fell out of bed in the middle of the night I did he replied. Yes said Granny well thank you for a nice quiet night I will recommend your establishment to all my friends. No no no it’s all right I am sure there are better places he said that’s as it may be said Granny but this one is I am sure safer than most. As the barman hobbled back to the kitchen there was a strange smile on Granny’s face. Come on Gytha this is a big city and we don’t know where to start looking yet.
Magrat picked up Esmeralda and cuddled her there was a tear in Magrat’s eye and an anger in her mind, slowly her voice from a low pitch but becoming stronger. “Who is responsible for this?”
A small grey bundle of sacks approached her very slowly and groveled on the floor
“if it pleases your majesty we never harmed her royal ness never harmed her at all
we didn’t oh no we didn’t” “what said Magrat -
Any one looking down on to the streets of Ankhmorpork would have seen a strange sight as normal the streets are packed with citizens going about there daily rituals like picking pockets and nicking food of traders and all the sorts of things that happen in a big city. But today there was something unusual there was a gap in the crowds and it was moving as we look closer we see there are two shapes in the gap moving up the street and like the flow of water the crowds parted and went around the two as we get closer we see that the two are Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax stopping occasionally to look at things and being given the occasional bits by a trader who would watch them walk up the road still not believing he had just given two old ladies some of his wears free of charge. Some way in front of them was another small commotion as one CMOT Dibbler was pushing his way away from the two witches saying, mind you self, excuse me, out of the way there, come on move a but there, please I don’t want them to get me the last time it cost me a sausage. Nanny Ogg stopped in her tracks so fast that Granny Weatherwax walked in to her, oof watch you stopping here for Nanny, don’t you feel it Esmy, in your bones likes a high pitched shiver. Hmmm you are right there that’s Agnes singing all right and it’s coming from over there.
There was another small tear in Magrat’s eye now it was the thought of loosing an entire set of Lancre citizens before she even got to know them. How can I help you she said. “What, you are willing to help us you are” said Cluff. I are I mean I am going to help you said Magrat she got up and headed towards the glow. As she got nearer the heat from the fire was overpowering and Esmeralda started to move about a lot. It’s too hot for me I need to find another way to see where the lava flow went said Magrat. There is a way but it is colder that way and it is hard to climb said Cluff as he pointed to a steep path that led almost vertical. I can’t go in to that heat and Esmeralda would be hurt if I climbed up there said Magrat as she looked in to the sad eyes of the little troll, but, if someone was to look after Esmeralda then we could go and look at the problem. You would trust us to look after the little princess said Cluff! Well you haven’t hurt us so far said Magrat. Cluff called out to one of the other volcano trolls and beckoned him over “this is Dluff she is my wife and was the one looking after Esmeralda while we waited for you to arrive in the chamber she will look after Esmeralda while you are gone. Right said Magrat lets go. Onward and upward they climbes till they reached a small tunnel, this they followed for what seemed ages as they travled the heat once again became almost unbearable. Magrat said if it gets much hotter I will have to be turning back! Cluff replied this is about as hot as it will get we are passing the chimney for the forest fireplace from here on it will cool down. And it did after a mile or so the tunnel went down in to another horizontal shaft with a slightly flattish bottom that looked like sand at the sea side. This is where the lava used to run as you can see it is hard and cool said Cluff. Just in front of them there was a an arm sticking out of the floor “what’s that said Magrat. Its my brother, Gluff he was swimming up here when the flow stopped and the lava cooled down quickly because there was some water rolled over the top of it. Magrat asked Cluff quietly “what’s round the next corner. I don’t know we have never gone this far. Magrat turned to the little troll and looked in to his eyes, she noticed he was talking slower than usual “you are getting to cold you must return to the chamber and warm up I can go on from here. It’s too late I can hardly move Cluff said slowly as he froze on the spot and with his last breath said bring my family’s heat back.
Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg walked slowly each step becoming a vibration of direction taking them closer and closer to the source. It has to be her said Nanny Ogg it just has to be no one else can make the ground scared like Agnes. The vibrations got stronger and stronger and just as they were beginning to walk a little faster it stopped. BUGGER said Granny now what? And as they looked up and then up again and then further up directly in front of them was a huge old building and above them there was writing both Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg screwed up there eyes and read O P E R A H O U S E Whats an o’pera house when it is at home Gytha ah said Gytha its one of them sing’ing establishments where’s you has to pay lots and lots of money and dress up like a tofft lady to get in. Right said Esmy lets go and have a look for our selves. And in to the Opera House they went.
Magrat feeling alone and full of tears went on through the tunnel traveling just fast enough for the little insects to light her way. It seemed to go on for ever Magrat had no idea how far she had gone. It seemed ages and Magrat thought she was seeing things a light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t be silly that only happened in stories she said to her self! Besides it has already happened in this one in the chamber….. but no there it was a glow that was becoming brighter with every step she took and each step was becoming faster and the insects which had given her so much help were being left behind. As Magrat got closer she realized the light was just a glow but it was more then the insects and had a slightly green tinge to it. Then a voice! Magrat flung herself against the wall and froze her heart was pounding someone was ahead of her listening hard she heard K'ez'rek d'b'duz' then a different voice said AaDb'thuk that’s Dwarfish she thought. Then without thinking Magrat jumped out of her dark hiding place and said Just what do you think you are doing?
Esmy and Gytha walked through the great doors and in to the opera house walking through passages they came to a grand open space with an enormous stage at the bottom of a slope and chairs there were chairs everywhere all red and comfortable looking. Well this is some posh place said Gytha and these seats are dead comfy we could sleep here tonight much better than the bed we had last night. Don’t be daft Gytha them’s those seats that peoples come to listen to that high pitched singing you would never gets any sleep there. Anyways thatsa not what we is here for now come on get up and lets find her if she is here. She is here Esmy I can feel her in me bones. They walked down the isle towards the stage and as they got closer a lone figure entered the stage a large lone figure in fact the stage was almost filled by the lone figure and with a deep intake of breath it sang………
On reflection Magrat thought to herself perhaps this was not the best thing to do but she had done it now and would need to accept the consequences. Without even blinking an eye one of the dwarfs said Gr'duzk and looked expectantly towards Magrat and when she didn’t answer it said Gr'duzk again. Magrat just stood there feeling foolish erm you don’t happen to speak morporkian do you she said . A little said the dwarf my name is Sh'rt'azs or in morporkien Littlebottom I have a cousin in Ankhmorpork and have learned some of the language when visiting all I was saying was good day to you, can we help you. No I mean yes but well perhaps I don’t know said Magrat. Well lets sit down here till you get your breath and we will see if we can. My name is Apple Littlebottom we have been mining this shaft for the last few months as there was a promising gold seam in it but it has run out quicker than we expected, now I have told you all about us just where did you come from. Magrat took a long deep breath and told the dwarf all that had transpired that day. Ah said Littlebottom then its our fault your majesty. You know who I am said Magrat. Well of course said Littlebottom we have mined these mountains for centuries and have seen several kings of Lancre come and go in fact I was at the coronation as fitting the head of my family. We diverted the lava to get at the gold and now we have finished I have sent everyone around to the other side of the mountain and we are about to restore the balance of nature by redirecting the lava back to its original stream. Follow me said littlebottom be careful as they walked there was a vertical shaft in the floor. Littlebottom said this shaft goes down half a mile where the gold was and when we let the lava go it will fill it up and continue doing what it did for the last 10,000 years. They went further up the shaft where there was a boulder dam and Littlebottom explained this was where the lava had been stopped and all it will take to release it was to pull on a long rope attached to a log set in to the dame. In front of them was a wooden basket and Magrat and Littlebottom climbed in to the basket Littlebottom pulled on a rope and the basket ascended up the shaft so fast it made Magrat’s legs feel weak. At the top of the shaft they climbed out the basket and Magrat had to hold on to the wall to stop herself from collapsing to her knees and was breathing hard to stop her self being sick. Three two one PULL and all the dwarves pulled a heavy thick rope. Littlebottom came over to Magrat and said there everything restored, back the way it was lava flowing down the tunnel as it has for thousands of years. Magrat stood straight and went so pale that Littlebottom stepped back with his hads in front of his face and exclaimed T'dr'duzk b'hzg t't what is the matter your majesty. Magrat sank to her knees and said slowly and quietly Esmeralda is at the end of that tunnel!
Granny Weatherwax walked on to the stage where Agnes was singing and as she turned and saw Granny on the stage she almost choked Granny what are you doing here. Well me young lass we has come to see you and find out how you is doing said Granny. And it looks like we was just in time said Nanny Ogg you was just about to deafen us all. Gytha don’t be rude said Granny Weatherwax we have not come here to tell her about singing, we wants you to come back home and learn the witching. So get your stuff and we will make tracks home said Nanny Ogg. But I don’t want to go back said Agnes I am happy here? Granny Weatherwax looked Agnes deep in the eye, well she said it’s true isn’t it, you are happy here. Nanny Ogg looked at Agnes and looked around the auditorium it’s a bit posh for me but if this is where you are happy then who are we to take you away come on Esmy we have been away from home too long as it is. As they walked out the opera house door Agnes started to sing again and Esmy turned to Gytha and said she will come home in her own time no point in forcing her, true, true Esmy or when the hole of Ankhmorpork are all deafened which ever comes first and in an alleyway just of the side of Pseudopolis Yard a small flea bitten dog that smelled like a privy carped said “now there’s something you don’t see in Ankhmorpork every day two flying witches good job no one listens to me because they wouldn’t believe me” and off he trotted to the assassins guild because tonight was mixed grill night at the assassins guild and no one eats the black pudding and Gaspode was partial to a bit of black pudding.
Magrat rose to her feet and as she rose the air became static and smelled tinny Littlebottom and his friends ran for it there was something big in the wind and they didn’t want it to be there guts. Magrat started to glow and raised her hands in front of her and in a flash there was a broomstick where there had not been a broomstick before looking up she climbed on to the broomstick and the mountain like the dwarves sensing the power opened up above her and Magrat shot out the opening so fast there was a trail of fire in the wake of her broom stick. With tears in her eyes and pain in her heart Magrat headed for the original tunnel entrance “must get there fast must get there fast must get there fast” she kept saying and faster she went darkness was falling in Lancre. An emergency stop should not be possible with a broomstick flying at supersonic speed but this one managed it. In floods of tears and stumbling in the dark Magrat searched for the entrance of the tunnel. It’s gone it’s gone she shouted to the night Magrat thumped the ground with both hands “it’s gone” she sobbed. Just then at the edge of her hearing there was a gurgle, suddenly as if someone had hit her with a lightning bolt Magrat sat bolt upright and letting her eyes get accustomed to the night she followed the horizon and something moved slowly consciously Magrat moved towards the movement frightened it would disappear slowly nearer and nearer with another gurgle Magrat gingerly lifted the small bundle in to her arms and there she sat till break of day came and life became normal well as near normal as the queen of Lancre could expect. Magrat rose with the dawn and looked down where Esmeralda was found and looked again there was some stones just lying there and in the dawn light and a little imagination they formed the words “tank u your migisty, cluffff”.
With a smile on her face Magrat decided to walk back in the early dawn it would take a while but she needed time to think she had discovered a kingdom within a kingdom a race of beings she never new about and they new she was queen and that meant something to her. She also discovered a power within that she never knew a power that overcame mountains. As she wandered across Lancre she stopped and found she was in the clearing where the standing stone was hiding somewhere, there was a feeling a strange feeling she looked up and there above her was two small black dots in the sky heading towards her as they got closer she could here “and the hedgehog can never” a smile spread across her face and she called out “Granny! Nanny!” the two broomsticks changed course and landed in the clearing well managed to stop near enough in the clearing. Where have you been Magrat asked as Nanny Ogg cooed at Esmeralda. Ow no where in particular said Granny Weatherwax no where’s in particular anything been going on here. With a huge grin on her face Magrat turned to Granny Weatherwax and said nothing in particular, and the coven of three witches built a fire and had tea. And there chatter rang out over the land in to the brand new day like the deep slow sunshine and all was well in the world. That is till Gytha started the hedgehog song again and they realized she had been spiking the tea with brandy. Back to normal thought Granny Weatherwax a coven of three and back to normal.
The End